Relationships can be challenging. Family relationships can be very challenging. Over the period of a lifetime, childhood jealousies and hurtful interactions can accumulate and simmer. They can create estrangement.
So what can we do about that? There are many possibilities. We can:
- limit how much time we spend with someone.
- excuse ourselves and leave.
- lower the level of communication from open to cordial to civil.
- ignore comments that are hurtful and unproductive. If we’re lucky or skilled, we can come up with phrases that put an end to hurtful comments that open old wounds such as, “That was a long time ago.”
- accept the fact that hurtful things happen in relationships and just let it go.
- check in with trusted friends or loved ones to confirm the validity of our experience, and then possibly confront the issue in hopes of clarifying the situation and healing the relationship.
In the end, we have to decide how much energy and time we want to expend on certain people. I like to check in with myself after an encounter to see how I’m feeling about myself. Do I feel up lifted and nurtured, or do I feel downtrodden and less-than? I consciously gravitate towards the former in any case.
Especially in this season of family gatherings, it is valuable to remind yourself that you have options in any situation.
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