Most of us do not want to face preparing for the end of our lives. It is a grueling task, and many of us just leave it to others to manage.
That is an option. However, if you are like me, you do not want to dump all this responsibility onto loved ones, or worse, the State. When someone dies or is incapacitated, emotions run high. Adding the complexities of wrapping up a life of assets, debts, and material goods can be overwhelming.
Actions to Take
The following is a list of things you might consider doing to help your loved ones.
Obtain a safety deposit box at your bank. Make sure your executors know where it is and how to get into it. If possible, have their names on the box so they can access it. Otherwise, legal requirements will need to be satisfied before the box can be drilled open.- Ask your executors to keep your information in an easy-to-access location.
- Get an outside security box and install it near your house. Keep a copy of important keys, such as those to the house and the safety deposit box, in it. Make sure your executor has access to it and photos of its location.
Items to Put in Your Safety Deposit Box
- A list of updated beneficiaries.
- A list of financial institutions holding assets, debts (e.g., mortgage, credit cards), and retirement accounts (e.g., Social Security, 401K, etc.). I have mine in an Excel file with the name of the company or bank and end-of-life instructions. Each item has a list of the beneficiaries, addresses, and other pertinent information. At the end of each year, I note the amount of assets and debts on December 31. For retirement funds, I note the monthly income.
Your will or trust. Put the original in the safety deposit box and perhaps a copy in a location that is easier to access. Tell your executors where copies are located. If you engage an attorney to draw up the will or trust, they will keep a copy. Give your executors your attorney’s contact information. To avoid conflict, I would suggest keeping the terms of your will private. You might want to change your mind at some point.- A Medical Power of Attorney. In my case, close family lives far away. Two trusted friends are listed to make immediate decisions, and two relatives are listed to make more serious decisions. You can complete this yourself without an attorney. Have it notarized. Give a copy to everyone listed and to your doctor.
- A Financial Power of Attorney. It is important to have the people in charge of your Medical Power of Attorney in charge of this document, as well. This document should be prepared by an attorney due to financial complexities.
- A copy of a completed “Caring Conversations” form published by the Center for Bioethics. The form is available free online. Paper copies are available from the Center at a nominal cost. Give a copy of the completed form to those responsible for the Medical Power of Attorney and to your doctor.
- If you own your home, put copies of all the invoices for home repairs and remodeling with the deed in the box. These expenditures can be deducted from the sale price on your tax filing, which can make a significant difference when it is time to sell your home.
- A copy of instructions for your memorial service, if you want one. Remember, memorial services are for the living and are an important part of the grieving process. It is not about you—it is about those you leave behind. Give a copy to your executor.
- An obituary that you have written. Give a copy to your executors as well.
A “to-do list” for your executor. They will need passwords, contacts (attorney names, neighbors), and various other information (e.g., cremation society) to wrap up your affairs. Email them a copy as well.- If you have made arrangements for a headstone, put the name of the monument company in the safety deposit box so the executor can arrange for the death date to be inscribed when the time comes.
- If you have a business, arrange with a trusted professional friend to manage your business if you pass suddenly. Be sure your executors and trusted friends have each other’s contact information.
- Review the documents from time to time to bring them up to date and replace the old ones in the box.
Each step of this process is time-consuming, but when you’re done, it will be a relief for you and for those you love.
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